Just a little more
I can't sleep even though im tired. hah, how redundant. but anyway, i just came back from hanging out with ann ying, kate and say heng in our town's new cafe. there's nothing too special there, and their espresso sucks big time. they taste like.. well, ditch water. and we saw ann ying's boyfriend, jonathan hanging out with a mysterious girl at that joint. i guess ann ying had already knew that jon was going out tonight and she decided to check it out. and i thought this was going to be a girls night out. but ann ying said that she thought jon was cheating behind her for a girl named victoria. some mysterious Pretty st cclia girl. and she decided to bring us girls out to do a er, investigation? but even though we did saw jon and another chick together, i cant really recognize who that girl is. its dark and i cant bring myself to stare at someone rudely. And oh,did i tell you that i saw stan's brother there too, same table with jonathan? talking about stan, i missed him already.
anyway, back to ann ying. jon did greet ann ying when he saw us passed by, but he left as soon as we sat down. i was thinking to ask ann ying to follow em, but she said she didnt want to. but asked me to check out who's sitting the front seat car jon's driving. (the cafe's open air, and we can see the road from there) but as we are talking, and complaining about the ditch water, well, we missed jon's car.
she told us a lot about her relationship as we sat. seriously, i think that she and jon were incompatible from the start. and their relationship were on the edge right now. i dont really know what to say to comfort or help her, but we just listened and i guess we all cant really do anything or do any decision for her, for no matter how close we were to each other, but there must be something we dont know about their relationship. and why jon wanted to go out with victoria rather than her. maybe the problem might coming from ann ying , or just jon, or maybe both of them do have problems with this relationship. i had heard another story about ann ying's classmate was wooing her. well, that guy's a malay, and i could say that he had appeared at the right moment. just right the moment when ann ying was not happy in her relationship, and left her in a well. wreckage.
ying told us about her fight with jon too. just this week, i dont really comprehend the situation, but from what i knew, jon really had hurt her with some... well, remarks. and ann ying had no feelings at all after the fight, i mean like, she's already numb with all those. sigh, from the beginning, i had thought jon as a ,well, some rich spoilt brat who had anything he wants. and what he wants, he'll get it. and after he had get that 'thing', he will dump it asidew and look for another new interest. i guess this is what exactly happened to ann ying. i hate to see someone hurting my friend. but then, i cant do anything but just look on. thats so frustrated.
and there is one thing i just dont understand, why does guys treated the girls a complete different way when they're officially going out together? no more outing, dinners or gifts and every phone calls or hugs were like... i dont know took for granted. and just imagine when they were wooing us, so many sweet moves and calls, and well just everything. maybe the time having a relationship is more harder than we thought because after all, relationship is something that needs both sides of efforts and tolerance. all i can say that love is something impalpable and difficult. we cant live without it, but, living with it made our live hard too. arh, i just cant put that feelings in words. as i said, its something impalpable, but also something we all look for. and wanted more.
maybe all these lovey dovey thingy was the main problem everyone face. i mean why people commit suicide ? or took drugs or gone depressed or whatever? i think they all just need a littlemore love and care. who dont feel warm when someone were concerened about them? you will feel appreciated and somehow not as wasted as we think we are. so there will be no depression. such a fucking hard thing to live with, depression ate a little by little of your soul until you are left to nothing but a dead person walking. and then you felt so empty , you cut meth to bring yourself some sense, and then , that feeling too fade awaay after a while. and you figures out that you couldnt live on with cheap thrill and weed, you decided to take your life. virginia woolf, sylvia plath, ernest hemmingway, they all died because they are Depressed. unhappy. no one take their own life because of a flunked test, cheating lover or failed business. They killed themselves becuase they are depressed. only when they're depressed, they see no light in their life and they take thier life.
fuck, im typing incoherantly already. i felt dizzy after drinking the bloody espresso and i have rashes all over my body. new side effects caused by new medical. i felt as if im a walking pharmarcy, popping pills after pills like m&ms, and you can practically find me stoned with antibiotics or something. i felt as if i cant function and my thoughts came half second slower. but damned, what else could i do? i cant do without pills.