Escape

Let's just escape from this cruel world and hope that we will ever not live to be confront with any real-life pain.

well, i wore my short sleeves uniform to school, i just dont know how to hide the ugly cut marks on my forearm , i decided i will just leave it like that. cant believe that im stupid enough to carve words on it. anyway, when people find out, were they horrified ? or were they disgusted ? i dont know.
in fact, they asked " is that the latest trend ?" or " you ran out of paper at your home?" or maybe " why are you so stupid."
hm... not very comforting. i thought they will immediately send me to the psychiatrist ward or something but instead they just teased me. my oh my, it just simply breaks my heart again. you know i cant stand teasing, especially i am vulnerable right now and i thought you will at least lend me a hand or asked " does it hurts?"
lalala, they are just too wrapped up by themselves. maybe it is true that making somebody insecure makes themselved feel more stronger and.. in control.
but leave it, ahh... just leave it like that. Why bother me? YOU. You can only feel for YOURSELF. Yes, you are the only one that FEELS Pain. NO one does. JUST YOU. YOU SELFISH SICK whore.
and then, i draw my shiny blade across my smooth skin, just like a white canvas for you to draw and scribble on. Now i will write what i felt for on my own skin.
and oh, isnt it just sad when the sick bastard that took my cellphone is far too coward to even say "HELLO" on the phone?FUCKINGSTUPIDSILLYSHIT. he is. i feel like rip his throat and stuck the knife on him, how could he do this to me? i just want to know where did i lost that fucking phone. and he did nothing but whimper on the phone. and HOW dare he said that kate's a pussy when she tried to confront her on phone? now in what right can you sweared that on MY PHONE, MY PREPAID CARD ? so what if i want to call the stupid digits every second, every minutue, everyhour until the phone had ran out of battery. I WANT TO KNOW WHERE DID I LOST MY PHONE. thats all. was that too much?
oh, just fuck him.
now, our school is now having this fucked up trial exams where everyone is very unprepared for it, cause we are al llike "huh?" Fuck, its trial already? that's just shit. teacher's absent, syallabus not finished. 4exams in one day. and all science subjects all crammed up in one day's schedule and then asked us to listen for some stupid speech from MR. so and so ,M.D. lost my phone, prom's coming up, now itchy from prawn allergic, and stupid arm sore from my blade and should i say with some HELP of kate's slapping across it? she didnt know i cut myself there i guess. so hard try not to wince in pain when she did that when she had done enough series of her non stop slapping. *slap!* " whattaya doin latah?" *slap!slap!* "lets hit d canteen!" *slap* ouch.
sometimes, i guess i dont want to get too close with anyone. because once you had get too close with them, it seems that it was alright for them to tease you already. WHich, i hate. i hate when anyone's being sacrastic on me, and i dont LOATHE it when ANYone teased me. you can call me hypersensitive or just too... un-sporting. BUT , i HATE IT. I HATE TEASINGS. thats the fact. but do i show it? i dont. i just smile, tee-hee, laugh with them when they say " LOOK, Why are you so Stupid? You cant even solve this equation?" "WHY are you so KEmbang already? dont EAT so much laaa" "nesto? you know him meh?? i thought He likes pretty girls only"
im not pretty and i cant be friended with nesto ? or DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHY AM I PUFFED UP?i suffered from needles, bloodtests and instable tsh. and now you teased me.
ha.ha.ha
funny? not. i wish that sometimes i can somehow paste or hold a board right across my chest that said " HANDLE WITH CARE" but i cant or it seems that i just doest work?
i remembered today when kate gave me the silent treatment..because, let me see,OH i poked her with my pencil? sigh. so theres go my heart.. *breaks breaks* im hurt again
and then, when i was trying so hard to think and giving ideas for what annying should wear for her prom ?i made a gesture to show how the dress' length should be? my pinafore move quite a bit, i say, and it shows my white collar shirt underneathe which gave away my bra's colour. and she laughed... "look at her boobs, she said" everyone laughs.
funny? that's funny? faintly, i heard some jeers with the word 'coconut' and stuffs.
'ha..ha..ha' i think i did that. i actually laughed. ha . ha. like that
too pathetic and weak to say " its not funny and i dont like it when you teased me.'
sigh, too pathetic.
yes that's me. pathetic.
and then, i sank more deeply and resort to my blade again.
When will i see someone that can saves me from drowning?

i wish that He will bring me to the prom,dance with me, and save me from all the cruel and mean things they said and did to me, give me a good night kiss, said that he will forever, love me and we will live happily ever after. just like Cinderella. He will not mind that how pretty or ugly i look like because beauty's only skin deep and will love me as I am. and He's there for me when i felt down and depressed. He will save me from what i had become. and He accept and understand that why i need to cry and cut myself to realease and escape from this life when it gets too overwhelming. and will just hold me tight and tell me theres nothing that bad i cant live it through.and he will be there for me until the end of time.

uh? What ?
Did i ask for too much...? again?
PLEASE, people...
All i want is just somebody who cares.