Chances ?

I don't really believe in giving a second chances to anyone. If they had broken your trust, if they had hurt you, I believe that they will do it the second time even though they said they had regretted it. Maybe I will give a second chance, maybe. That is if I feel they worth for another try. Because why give another oppurtinity for others when you know that this ain't going to work ?
Even though I might eventually forgive people that had maim me in the past, but it doesn't mean that I had forgot what they had done to me. There will be always a distance between us no matter how hard we try to mend it.

I am very afraid to lose something I cherised of. That's why I always tried to please people. Especially people that I love. I do not like to feel 'rejected.' Sometimes, I felt so under preassure when I was talking to friends.I was always thinking "did i said something wrong? did i did something not right?" But when my ways of 'pleasing' had gone too far, I felt disgusted with myself. "You're such a loser, why did you simply have to agree with others? Dont you have any opinion of your own?" But still I did not dare to be myself, because I am not able to accept what others criticism about me. I felt like a failure often. I felt like I was never good enough to be myself. I have to keep imposing. imposing. imposing. I need somebody else's image to be me. I dare not to be myself.
Yet, ironically, the more i tried to please someone else, the more they get further away from me.
I guess that is when I realized that the more you tried to get the something, the more it tries to elude you. Sometimes you just gotta let it come, not by you forcing it.
I did realize that, but somehow i am not able applicate it into my own life. I guess it's just redundant for me to understand what the phrase means. Or maybe I really had not comprehend it. If I really did have understand, I am sure I will be able to be more like myself.

But I guess, there are always come to a time that you have to let go of it.When you had tried everything, and gave anything that you have, and still it had yet return to you, maybe it is really time for you to give up. There's no use to be too stubborn on some matters. It might seems so important for you at this moment, but in years time, or maybe even months, you will see how small these things were in your life compared to others.

And I know that people changed. They will change.Time bring changes. Nothing stays forever the way it is.You might be dissapointed that the one that you had waited for so long had changed into somebody that you barely recognized. Or maybe the person you once thought that was so perfect had changed too. And not as great as what you expected. Maybe it is better to leave it like that. Because some things are not meant to be found. It is better to have what your memories left you rather than let the cruel reality spoilt something once was so good.

ps: i think im stoned.