im having FAT day EVERYDAY

sometimes i really dont want to think my weight is an issue. but actually its making my social life here miserable. everyone thinks that im not thin or attractive enough to be their friend. so much for judging the inside rather than outside.
people is feed with the propaganda that THIN is IN every single day. and im not thin. SO? what does that exactly mean? i don't deserve to have as much fun as the others can have? this is so fucking unfair. and what's with FAT = LAZY and UGLY? oh my god, sometimes i just boil everytime i see these phases.
oh yes, you tell me its all just nonsense. you don't actually think that's true, no one wants to judge from the outside. its the personality that it counts. and deep down in heart? do you believe so? NO.
everyone is comparing their weight with one another. WHAT FOR? just to make their selfish little head that they're not the fattest and there will be always a person to boost their self-confident.
" hah. look at her. she's THAT huge. and shes still tucking in Big Mac like theres no tomorrow. "
" ohmygod, look at that arms. what the fuck is she doing with that dress? sleeveless should be banned in her wardrobe."
" mmm... haha, im not the fattest one in the room. phew. "
i had been thinking about this fat issue for countless times. everytime i get upset about it, i will go on diet like crazy, and do sit-ups like a madwoman. then, i give up. my weight doesnt seem to budge.
yayaya, i hear you. i am an impatient person, i couldnt do it long enough until i see the change. BUT. sometimes i am fed up. i wanted to be myself. i WAS happy with my own body. UNTIL, the fucking media with all craps said that you should not hang out with fat people.
oh. oh. and this remind me of one thing. T likes J. J likes T. J is fat. so shes not cool. and T is thin, so he's cool. and T's friends say: " whatthefuck are you doing with that fat chick? " and so? you guess it. T doesn't want to lose his face among his friends as the cool one and he dumped J.
Whats the moral at the end of the story people?
Fat people does not deserve love?
or should i say, we should screw the media and ask them to leave us alone?
how many adolescent starve themselves to anorexia or puke their life away because of this? our minds do not function for ourselves anymore but control by the media.
..........
after so much bitching, you will think that i wont give a damn about my weight and eat the bloody pasta and down on that coke.
but, nah.
i admit im one of the fella that fell for the media trap, and i want to lose my weight and be thought as beauwwwtifoll.

sighs.
im pathethic.