sod off

i agreed to play the band in prom. and they arranged a practice for me with my other classmates. maybe i do want to enjoy the last year in high school. or maybe prom night is just one other night that will bring me more lugubrious feelings rather than happy memorable one.

they asked me to go for band practice today. this is the second time. i went the first time just to listen. well, i got to play keyboard. something that i resent the most. they let the other girl play the drums. obviously i dont have the 'look' , the said. i kept quiet when i heard their reason. i dont have the 'look'. hah.

they asked me to go to the studio on 3pm. and Tan will give me a ride there. i have to bring my own keyboard. i agreed.
well, it's 3.30 now, and Tan havent come yet. i will just wait for another 10 minutes.

10 minutes had passed. still no Tan's proton. i called xue wei, her mom picked the phone up. she said she's not in, maybe she had went to the studio by now.but, theres this tiny voice telling me that, they'd cancelled the practice already. and i dont want to happen, because that will downright make me go bleak. because if there are any plan changes, they should have call me. what do you mean if you do not even have the mind to let me know? am i just one UNimportant person that you dont want to be in your so called band?

but i picked up the phone and call Tan all the same. and without any surprise, the practice was cancelled. Without me knowing it. and Tan said : they didnt tell you that? but at least you're not holding your keyboard waiting outside the studio. well, maybe next time. you dont mind, do you? "

so i waited foolishly for 40 minutes. and yes, I DO MIND. i felt like an ballon, the air letting go in a rapid speed pricked by a needle and in the end i was nothing but a piece of dirty plastic. i was so happy to be included and then, poof, i was just another cling-on, they dont even bother to tell whats going on. and i thought they practically begged me to join in.

maybe this prom idea is a bad idea.
i have no date. i have no idea what to wear. i am ugly and as big as a whale. and foremost, yvonne and mich dont even want to go.
and i dont even feel wanted in the arsehole band.
i shouldnt go.