The trick is to keep breathing


i'd been gone for ten days, had you wondered where i'd been?

the thin membrane of my skin with green veins underneath and needle marks dotting above it, had formed a yet interesting ,uneven marks on it.

nothing had changed much in the past few days. im still puffing up with steriod. sue is still pissed with me. my hair's still falling out. and my parents still didnt show much concern , and i wondered why ?

i went to school as usual. i dont want to miss out any classes despite the nausea i felt caused by the pills, i need to go to vomit every session of my class until i just want to collapse and cry.but, still, i was determined of staying in school, i dont want to stay in the sterillized room and i dont want to be in the center of bad attention. i dont want to be only noticed and appreciated, when they realized, that, I, could vapourize from this world any moment. i asked kate to shut her mouth about the deep shit im in.

i had drifted apart from yvonne. we didnt talk or hang up much anymore. it felt so distant that i feel like we are not even friends anymore. she didnt know what am i in. so is seph. i had not utter a single word about what i'd been through, i dont want him to worry. after all, he just started to get comfortable with his life in kl. so, i turned to kate instead, for she's great. i tell you, she's great.

i had applied for MIIM , akademik tv3. i had decided i want to be a journalist and not something to do with medical, after all, thats what my dad want. and i want to live my life for my self and not wasted on something that im not even interested in. i want to one day, turn back, and felt sastified with what i'd done with my own life. without any feelings that i was being wasted all the time. i do hope that i get accepted by the college. after all, i did alright in my semester exam.

i'd been thinking so much these times. a lot of things had gone into my mind. i had deperately to sort out my thoughts and yet trying to catch up with my studies. i want to do Well in my spm.

and you know what?
i missed him.
did you think he missed me too ?

broken sentences. with fragments of thoughts. blurry pictures. and vague memories. i think i'd lost the touch with my inner self.